The Morning Sh*t – A TL;DR Summary of Jalopnik for 1/31/2018

"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78) 01/31/2018 at 12:20 • Filed to: Taketheoutsideline, Satire

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Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! All your base are belong to us.

1 st Gear : Lotus, the famous foster child maker of cars so small that the company is named for a yoga position, plans to complicate and add heaviness with an SUV. Plus some other sports cars, etc.

2 nd Gear : Dieselgate investigators finally going after individual employees at Bosch. There’s also some chatter around those Icon windshield wipers.

3 rd Gear : Ford expects slow sales for 2018, blames lack of Expedition ST and Flex ST.

4 th Gear : Car sales flat in January. JD Power expects 1% increase, Edmunds expects 1% decrease. Are you still awake?

5 th Gear : Trump tacitly takes credit for more auto plants opening in the US, since those companies only started planning their multi-billion-dollar factory investments since he became president.

Reverse : Buddy Rice turns 41, is still the second most important rice in Indycar (after Honda) 

Azrek > Ash78, voting early and often 01/31/2018 at 12:27

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*Ears perk* Lotus...SUV??? I am curious...

But as I looked at Jalop today...I saw this and blinked...wondered if I clicked on the Onion by mistake?

https://jezebel.com/woman-traveling-on-united-airlines-flight-deprived-of-h-1822577820

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Ash78, voting early and often 01/31/2018 at 12:28

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I always knew those blades weren’t THAT iconic.

It’ll all come out in the wash, I’m sure

boredalways > Ash78, voting early and often 01/31/2018 at 12:32

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What about This Day in History and ICYMI? These are important parts of a Morning Sh*t.

OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars > Ash78, voting early and often 01/31/2018 at 12:34

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“There’s also some chatter around those Icon windshield wipers.”

Grade A pun.

Ash78, voting early and often > boredalways 01/31/2018 at 12:37

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Consider it done.

random001 > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman 01/31/2018 at 12:44

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Unless it’s just swept under the rug, that is.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars 01/31/2018 at 12:50

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Oh shit I never even noticed

Subtle pun is best pun, grade A for sure.

Tapas > Ash78, voting early and often 01/31/2018 at 13:07

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What about the shit itself? It seems crucial to touch on that (not literally) at the end of the article.

Make sure everything is healthy and whatnot....

Chariotoflove > Ash78, voting early and often 01/31/2018 at 13:27

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This is all the news I need for my day. Where can I mail my subscription?

Ash78, voting early and often > Chariotoflove 01/31/2018 at 13:53

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Oh, you want The Outside Line GOLD subscription? Let me run some numbers...

450X_FTW > Ash78, voting early and often 01/31/2018 at 14:38

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5th gear: counter point, they didn’t decide to put more jobs in the US until the tax bill was passed. Glad to know that as a supplier to OEMs, we can notify them of piece price increases that are about to happen, now that they they will have more money.

Chariotoflove > Ash78, voting early and often 01/31/2018 at 15:08

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Platinum or GTFAC. I want minimum words with maximum comedy.

Justin Hughes > Ash78, voting early and often 01/31/2018 at 15:37

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I would drive the fuck out of a Flex ST. Just ask my wife how I drive her Flex EcoBoost (which is almost an ST in itself).

Ash78, voting early and often > Justin Hughes 01/31/2018 at 15:43

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Yep, I almost bought an Ecoboost Flex before we decided on the Odyssey. More useful space somehow won against more power. And my wife hates the look, so there was no convincing.